A Poem

A poem i wrote when i was like sixteen.


The Past Still Haunts Me

My heart has been stabbed at and thrown away
Ripped to pieces in every which way

Why do I always put up a fight
And then turn around and feel contrite

My life was great but I smoked it away
Someone else's life is what I portray

I really needed to stop but I didn’t know how
I would ignore everything I did and just disavow

The pain was just too much to bear
And all along you were totally unaware

Of all the destructive things I did
If you knew you would have forbid

My life and how I was living it then
You would have condoned me once again

And not believed a word I said
But just accused me of lying instead

So here we are face to face
I wish you would capture me in your embrace

To get me out of this hell I live
Open your heart and please forgive

Everything I did that was so terrible
But realize for me that my life was unbearable

Maybe that’s why I cut
I just wanted my Hells doors to shut

This is the only way I thought they would close
I guess that’s just the way life goes

Sorry, but now my scars are gone
From the world I had withdrawn

Myself and what I really wanted
Because I knew my life was daunted

So I guess it was the weed that broke my heart
All I wanted to do is depart

Or at least see all my blood go away
And my brain was always in such disarray

So basically drugs and cutting was my life
But oh, if you knew, my life would have been strife.

Neighbors

I hate living in apartments cuz the fucking assholes that live here complain about anthing and everything. The stupid bitch who lives underneath me called the cops at ten thirty at night on me because she had a leak in her bathroom ceiling. I was like super super pissed. I called the landlord, and he told me she is crazy and apologized. I was like, you dont have to apologize, but she should. I was in bed for school, and my husband was in bed for work. Like we really want to get up and deal with some stupid police officers. And then, she comes up to my apartment like every week to tell me were making noises, or being to loud, or playing music too loud, or whatever she can think of to bitch about. I feel like drilling a whole through the floor and really pouring liquid down it so she can have a real leak caused by us haha just kidding. i wouldnt do that, but it would be a good way to get rid of my anger.

Oh, and another thing i hate is liars. I FUCKING HATE THEM. Why lie? Whats the point. I hate it. If your that embaressed about your fuck ups, then go fuck yourself, but dont fucking lie to me in the process. Dont pretend to be nice, or be my friend if you are going to lie. My name is Ali motherfucking Durst, and dont get shit twisted. Dont fucking lie, always tell the truth. I was raised that liars, cheaters, and theives are bad. And you shouldnt be one, two, or any of them. I refuse to lie to people, i would just tell them like it fucking is and if they dont like it they can kiss my white caucasion fucking ass.

And another thing is, i hate people who are woosies, in better language. Girls who think they can talk to you however they want, and talk shit, but cant bring it. People who like to start shit, then want it stopped. Dont waste my time.

Sorry if this blog sounds like a bunch of bitching and randomness but each comment goes along with a greater in detail story that i dont feel like typing but oh well.

So all you apartment bitchers, liars, and woosie talking shit women get out my way!!!

Making up last weeks Case Study

OK, so I just turned in my second paper. I did both four page essays first, and I'm feeling pretty good about my essay I just wrote. It is about why the smoking ban is good. And I am actually proud of myself for being able to look at this from someone else's perspective, despite my deep hatred for this law. I have two weeks left for my three page and two page papers, but I am not even sure about what I want my topics to be. I'm kind of nervous, but I know once I figure out my topics, I will be able to in the words of Larry the cable guy 'Get-err-done!' I also am so excited about only three weeks of school left, but anyways, I feel good about my performance in the last half of the semester of English class.

Rent-a-cops

Ok, so im extremely pissed right now. I hate the Smoking ban @ ICC. Its utterly freaking retarted. So heres a quite humerous story. Today i was standing in the middle of the Visitors Lot. Since ive heard you can smoke by your cars, whatever i was smoking by a car. I light the ciggarette. Put it to my lips, dont even get half a drag when i hear some guy say "excuse me!" i turn around and guess what i see. Some Rent a cop in a golf cart. I was like uhh, how can i help you? He was like umm you cant smoke on campus. I was like umm, im standing in the middle of the visitors lot i thought you could smoke by your car. He was like, umm well are you a student here. Im thinking, no freaking shit, do you not see my damn back pack. Well, aparently he cant put back pack and @ ICC together, so whatever. Im like yes of cource im a student here. DUAH!!! But anyways he is like, umm students cant park in the Visitors Lot. Im like, i know that. He is like well is this your car, im like no i dont have a car. He is like let me see your ID. I am like ummmmmmmm..... no. He was like do you have and id, i was like umm no i dont have an ID. He looked at my purse and looked at me and was like umm you dont have an id in your purse. i was like no i dont. he was like well every student gets issued a student id. i was like i dont freaking have one. he was like well whats your name. so i told him my name. And he was like umm i have to report your name into the deans office, and if you get caught smoking again, then you will be called down and punished. I looked at him and was like umm, what the heck. Like will they give me a detention or what. So yeah, i got super pissed. And i still am. so i walked around the corner after he left and lit up another one. On purpose. Screw the smoking ban, they should make designated smoking areas then people who need nicotine wont get pissed because peoplea are depriving me of my addiction. Thats all i have to say.

First paper finally done

Well, for my first paper I think it took me a lot longer than it should have. I am very nervous for the next three, beings I have nothing but a paper prospectus to go by. Also, I have determined that the next topic that I had picked out for my next paper I don’t believe I am going to do. For my next topic I had picked out
“Why bacteria is important." I was going to argue that bacteria were indeed good. My reasoning behind why I want to change my topic is this: I don’t want my paper to sound like a research paper. So I was wondering STEPHANIE, if you would approve this topic instead, just as a maybe topic for my next for page paper. I was going to research Disneyland and Disneyworld, and I believe that Disney World is better than Disney Land. I was going to research and figure out things that Disney World had that Disney World didn’t. I believe my purpose would be to persuade people to go to Disney World. I know this is not a highly discussed topic, if discussed at all. I’m not sure if I will have four pages to do on this topic, if not I am sure you would let me use it for a three page paper. I just believe if I use this topic instead of the bacteria one, at least for a four or three page paper, it won’t sound so much like a research paper. I believe I could use the bacteria topic for the two page paper, just because I wouldn’t have so much to talk about so it would probably not sound so much like a research paper.
So these are my thoughts for my next paper and after I write this blog I will be ready to start researching and reading the handout that Stephanie gave us yesterday in class (for this I am super glad I can speed read ). And that’s about all I guess, I'm just kind of nervous to start this grueling procedure again not one, not two, but three more times.

EA Games

EA games is planning on filing a lawsuit against the amazing show South Park. Why you ask?? Because South Park had an episode involving Tiger Woods. The episode was called "Sexual Healing." This episode aired after the infamous Tiger Woods admitted to having numerous affairs with women that weren't his wife. This episode was making fun of the EA game "Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11" and adding Tiger and his wife fighting in it which looked like Street Fighter IV. I think if EA games really goes through and sues the makers of South Park they are seriously stupid. EA games stated that South Park violated their copyrights. South Park has entertained the deranged minds of America for years.....and if EA Games tries to take that away they are cruel. Don't get me wrong, i love EA Games....they have entertained my mind on XBox 360 and Wii and tons of games they have created are amazing, but they should not go toe to toe with South Park. If they do, i can see many of South Park fans boycotting their products. Allheadlinenews.com stated that "Legal experts however have said that South Park is likely protected under a parody fair-use defence as the episode was a satire." If this is true, i don't believe that EA Games should file this law suit. I love the show South Park and i would hate to see it have to get canceled because of EA Games.

OK, So i have to write about me as a writer this week. I like the Endorsement groups alot. I am super pumped for Monday. I think the Endorsement groups are a very good idea, and they can help us in making sure that everything in our paper is up to Stephanie's standard before we turn it in. This will help me out alot, probably mainly because i like when other people (it also helps alot that their in my same class and have the same knowledge of the subject as i do) to re read my paper and tell me their opinion. I am not good with grammar, so I know the group that deals with punctuation and spelling can really help me also. also the group that checks if my works cited is correct can help me also. I am not always the best with works cited. I am quite nervous about this first paper,but I know the endorsement groups will help me succeed. I am doing my paper on which Agent of Socialization is the most influential in my life. I think not being allowed to write about an over rated topic is a very good idea. That means I can capture the attention of my audience without them thinking its boring.

ok so ive just wondered randomly if we were allowed 2 post other stuff besides our required posts?

Men that suck & Lesbianism

I’m very enraged with men. I hate how they never understand how women feel. You would think that men could read and understand women’s actions to determine their feelings. Women aren’t going to be like “Hey, this is what I want!!! Get it for me!!”. We give you subtle hints, like hey that’s cute, or, this shirt would be so hot on me! But guess what, guys never seem to understand anything women want. Sex isn’t the only thing on our minds like it is yours! But sometimes I wonder if sex is really the only thing on guys minds or if they actually care about women’s feelings?! Ok, I obviously haven’t dated or talked to every guy in the world, but every guy I do talk to or date or whatever is usually the same. Their nice at first, and the more you get to know them they become a dick! I hate it when guys try to play mind games with you. For example, just because a woman sleeps with you more then three times doesn’t mean your dating, it just means she likes your sex! Some guys get it twisted! But then there are other guys that don’t care how many times you have sex, they would never want to date you! So I get so confused! Why cant guys just be friends with women! I have never once been friends with a guy who hasn’t tried to get with me! And its so annoying. I’m not trying to dogg guys, but sometimes I wonder if I should be a lesbian! Haha, I am so just kidding, but also partly serious. I mean think about it, if you’re a woman and you are dating a woman, you know just what she wants, needs and feels. And women are so more sensitive. Like, if I had a boyfriend and I got into a fight with him, he would pretend like nothing happened. I don’t understand men. I don’t think I ever will. I wish someone could sit down with me and explain truly what is in the mind of men. But I do know what’s in the mind of women, so wouldn’t it make more scene to be with a women? Ok ladies, I am not trying to freak you out and make you think I am checking you out because I am not. Lol. But seriously I don’t think its wrong for women to be gay. Out of all the lesbians and bisexual women I know, most of them are that way because guys are assholes, so they moved to women. And I really don’t want to be a lesbian, but I just wish guys would be able to feel women out more MENTALLY then physically, and I wish I understood why some guys will fall in love with you, but some guys just want to have sex, and why some guys are mushy gushy romantic (even though I’ve never met one) and most guys are pricks. I’m not trying to offend any of the guys in the class, because probably haven’t said a single word to any one of you, therefore I am not judging you. But, I’m sure some of you fall into the list above, and if not… god bless you!!

Alison as a Writer

How I view myself as a writer isn’t exactly the best. I don’t believe I am a good writer and I am very scared to do my first paper. I’m not sure what I want to do it on, but probably an issue that not many people have heard of. I don’t want to do an issue everyone already knows about, because in class Stephanie said that we shouldn’t do that. I agree with her because, how would you truly capture the attention of your audience, even if you had a good paper, if they heard the same shit your writing over and over again. When I write my paper, I want my audience to be very curious to what I have to say. I don’t want to capture their attention in the first part of my paper, but then have them think in the middle of the paper that its boring and they want to quit reading it. I truly enjoy writing, but not so much in the form of a paper. I’m very self conscious as to how it might turn out. I don’t want to work as hard as I can, but then get a bad grade, and have everyone think my paper sucks. I would rather write for pleasure. Like stuff for me, like poetry. I like the English class I am in, because everyone seems pretty nice. Its a lot more comforting to be able to feel like when I have to write a paper, that I can write it without receiving criticism from others. Not like I would get my feelings hurt, but you know. So that’s how I feel about writing and I am quite nervous for my first paper.

BORED TO DEATH.

Okay, so I don’t really know what to write my blog about this time so here it goes. Often times I wonder if I am the only bored to death person in Peoria?! Like seriously, there is nothing good to do. I’ve gone to the mall one hundred million times and quite frankly I am one hundred percent completely sick of it! I hate movies because you can’t talk during them, so what’s the point of going. I can watch movies at my house! Sure, you can go out to eat… but that isn’t doing something either! So my friend is like, hey lets go bowling. Okay, I think. So we go bowling, and it’s expensive as hell, and the food sucks. Besides, no one cool was there only a bunch of families with annoying little kids. In play was awesome in my opinion, but some idiot closed it down. Sure, it might have been kind of kiddish, but it was like a giant Chuck E Cheese but for older people! And there was a bar upstairs in it! There is no place where people my age can go hang out, play video games or study or anything. I would love to have a place where you could go have a beer, study English, write this blog, and then play pool when I was done! Sure there are little nooks and crannies tucked away in ICC to study, but you can’t drink, or hang out, or listen to awesome music. I just wish there was a cool place I could go with my friends, hang out, not have to spend lots of money, and have fun. Can anyone think of anywhere?

Ali as a Writer

I have taken two other ENGL classes at Illinois Central College before, ENGL 110 and ENG 105 (i believe). This one i am taking currently seems to be the most fun, i suppose if English is fun. Pertaining to writing, I in vision my self as decent. It mainly depends on what I'm writing. If I'm writing a paper I'm required to write, and i have no say in the topic, then i would probably get a C as a grade. I would most likely have problems with the flow of the paper. I wouldn't space out things like they should be, i would have lots of problems with punctuation and grammar, and i wouldn't have the best summary at the end of each paragraph. The structure wouldn't be as good as it should be. But when i am writing about something that interests me and i get to pick the topic, my paper sounds more 'real.' I actually feel like i can speak my mind about it. And when i do my best writing is when i can write how ever i want to. For example, i like to write poetry. I have written poetry since i was in eighth grade. It has always been a favorite thing for me to do pertaining to writing. OK so I'm going to put on of the poems Ive written on here for you to read. (Stephanie) I'm sure you will think its way better writing then what i do in class but who knows you might think all the writing sucks. Lol. But just to warn you this poem isn't meant to freak you out i wrote it when i was like fifteen years old and i was very depressed and confused at that time in my life. So don't freak out, but i think its a good poem and represents what i was going through at the time. And if u like it Stephanie i have lots more of poems if your interested in reading them or giving me extra credit for them just kidding because i know you wouldn't give me extra credit.

Condescending

The way the slice
of the knife
feels against my arms tonight
is enough to make me go insane
to make all the blood drain
from my empty veins
my whole body shivers and then goes numb
and its my true feelings that i shun
when the darkness doesn't recover into light
that means its time to end tonight
time to cut with all my might
what happens if i don't wake from my sleep
what happens if i cut too deep
what happens if death is what i choose to keep
would you even bother to cry
would you even care why
and if you had known would you even had tried
to keep me from killing my self just right now
to stop me from wondering why me, and how
to keep me from condescending and taking this vow

Why Marijuana should be legalized

The United States of America needs to leagalize the growth, sales, and use of Cannibis Sativa, more commonly knows as marijuana. There are an abundance of reasons everyone would want this plant legalized. Cannibis Sativa is the largest cash crop grown in the United States of America today. Despite the long hard efforts of the government to stop marijuanah usage (approximatly 75 years) their efforts have done no good. If marijuanah was legalized it would greatly hault the flow of money in and out through American gangs, and put it back into the economic system. How the government portrays marijuana to the public is a huge lie. Marijuana is not a lethal 'drug', like alcohol and ciggarettes are. Its actually way more healthy for you than either two of those substances. There is no negative effects of smoking marijuanah, besides for smoke isnt good for your lungs. It is a healthy recreational drug. There has never ever ever been any recorded deaths due to smoking marijuanah. Over 25 million people are habitual users of this plant, and nothing bad happens to then. In fact marijuana has lots of good side effects. Our government is so in debt i dont understand why they havent legalized pot and grown it them selves and put taxes on it to help solve our national debt problem. Lots of Americans throughally believe that if marijuana was legalized it would solve a huge portion of the economic crisis were going through. Despite of getting arrested two too many times, and having to spend the night in jail i will not bow down to the governments foolish laws against this incredible plant. I have looked up online a list of things that marijuana used medically can help improve.


"The U.S. Government Accountability Office (GAO) noted the following symptoms or conditions under Appendix IV of their November 2002 report titled "Descriptions of Allowable Conditions under State Medical Marijuana Laws":
Alzheimer's Disease
Anorexia
AIDS
Arthritis
Cachexia
Cancer
Crohn's Disease
Epilepsy
Glaucoma
HIV
Migraine
Multiple Sclerosis
Nausea
Pain
Spasticity
Wasting Syndrome"
information above gotten from this hyperlink: http://medicalmarijuana.procon.org/viewanswers.asp?questionID=000087
Now, with that being said, i have no logical reason as to why any American would not want to legalize Cannibis Sativa. I believe every single American should stand up to the governments foolish ways and fight for marijuana to be legalized.